I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
