My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
