the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
