Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you didnt know i had herpes?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
