he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
