I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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