the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
