An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
