i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Ketchup is God's man juice
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
