paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
