but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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