I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she peed on how many people?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
