rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
