I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
