no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
