i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
