I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
