Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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