i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
