Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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