So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
