Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
