Already got asked if we're dating
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
