Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
