OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
