the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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