After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
