I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
