He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
