Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
