the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
