Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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