Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
