I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
