how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
