It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
