My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
