My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
