No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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