Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The adults are the big ones right?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
