Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
