YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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