He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
