Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
