i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
