We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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