I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you had me at cake vodka
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
