It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
