the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
