i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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