I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Randomize
