Plan B is the new Plan A
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
