i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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