I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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