Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
