So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
