we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
