when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
