Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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