I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm passing your future prison.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
