Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
