I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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