If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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