Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
